As parents, what we do with our children can have a lasting impact, but what we say to them is just as important.
The expressions we use when talking to our children (or even just the people around them) not only reflect our beliefs about the world but also influence the beliefs they hold. develop.
In my book “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do,” I explain how to break common unhealthy habits that deprive children of the ability to develop the mental toughness needed to achieve success. its greatest potential. And many of these habits involve changing languages.
Although some of the phrases you say frequently may seem harmless, they could cause your child to grow up with a victim mentality – or believe they can’t succeed.Here are five toxic phrases that parents should eliminate from their vocabulary:
1. “We would never allow that.”
If what you really want is beyond your means, don’t insist that you can never have it just because money is holding you back.
Instead, show your children that you are in control of your finances. For example, you could say: “My dream is to one day buy a big house.But since we don’t have enough financial resources right now, I will take online courses to develop my professional skills and get a raise.
Or, if your kids really want to go to Disney World, tell them, “We can’t afford tickets because we don’t have enough budget this year.” » Next, consider giving them a jar of pocket money so they can start saving for a trip to the amusement park.
When you help your children develop good financial habits, they’ll grow up knowing that if they want something they can’t afford, they just need to adjust their priorities.
2.“You make me so angry.”
As parents, it’s important to stay calm and resist the urge to blame our children – or really anyone else – for our emotions.
Instead of acting angry over something your child did, a healthier response would be “I don’t like you doing that,” then explain why. It is important for children to understand how their behavior can affect others. This will encourage them to be more aware of other people’s emotions than their own.Additionally, by staying calm, you teach your child that we all have the ability to control our own emotions and that it is up to us to manage them in a healthy way. After all, you wouldn’t want them to grow up thinking that it’s okay to blame others for how they feel.
Of course, we are all human – and there may be times when we cannot help but lose our temper. If this happens and you end up saying something you regret, start by apologizing: “I’m sorry for being angry. Next time I’ll take a moment to calm down.»
3. “I hate my job.”
Let’s say you’ve had a tiring day at work and you just want to go home and talk to your partner. This may seem harmless since you’re not even talking to them directly, but remember that children are absorbing this message.
In fact, studies have shown that our attitudes about life have a major influence on our children’s success, especially when it comes to academic success.Additionally, complaining to your children about your job will teach them that work is not fun. As a result, they may grow up believing that adulthood is about spending half their waking hours in utter misery.
What’s the best way to handle this? Make it clear that you have career options and talk about what you are doing to improve your professional life.
4.”I have to go to the store.”
Every time you say you have to do something, whether it’s running an errand or going to grandma’s house for dinner, you’re implying that you’re being forced to do something you don’t want to do.
Instead, show your child that you are in control of your time: you decide what you do, when and how you do it.
Children who grow up and succeed understand that life is about the choices they make. You can teach them this important lesson by saying things like “I don’t want to go grocery shopping today, but I want to make sure we have food in the refrigerator for the week” or “I’m tired.” , but we already talked about it.” . Grandma, we are going to your house.And I wanted to make sure I kept my word.
Of course, there will always be things they don’t want to do, but absolutely should, like going to bed at a reasonable time or eating their vegetables. In these situations, it is helpful to explain why they are being asked to do so. When children understand the importance of a task, they are more likely to do it.
5.”It will be fine.”
If your child is not selected as a starting player on his sports team, convincing him that everything will always go well will not prepare him for the future.
Instead of telling them that there is always a happy ending, teach them that they are strong enough to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties.
Maybe your child just needs to spend more time practicing. If that’s the case, comfort him with a hug and acknowledge his feelings by saying, “I know you really wanted to be chosen today, but there will be plenty of other opportunities.”»
Then encourage them to keep practicing and try again when they feel ready. By coaching and guiding your children through difficult times, they will be better equipped to handle things that don’t go well in the future.
